Everyone experienced various ‘moments’ during boot camp whether physically demanding, frustrating and maddening or others laugh-out-loud funny. We were a couple days into boot camp (Company Echo/98) when the company was taken to the medical building for additional medical exams. Everyone filled out the necessary medical forms. We were then lined up around the outer perimeter of a large room in just our skivvies. A doctor came by and looked into everyone’s eyes, ears and nose. He also flexed hand and arm joints and then listened to our heart and lungs. The usual drill for a medical exam.
The next command caught most everyone by surprise, “Company, drop your drawers!” I gathered that the Coast Guard wanted to ensure that no one had “back-door” fissures or hernias. The next order was, “Company, about face.” And this was followed by, “Company, bend over, now!” As the doctor moved down the line, each person was subsequently ordered to, “Spread your cheeks.” The guy next to me apparently didn’t realize that the doc was going to check the bung hole. When ordered to spread his cheeks, this recruit, who was undoubtably qualified for a leadership position in X-ray company, placed his index fingers into his mouth and pulled his lips apart. One of the doctor’s aides shouted out, “No, you f**king moron, spread your frigg’n butt cheeks!” I could hardly contain myself. I knew I’d get reprimanded for laughing. Nevertheless, many of us who were aware of what had just happened snickered just about uncontrollably for the next 20mins. After this part of the exam, we were ordered to dress and were moved on to the next phase of the medical exams.
Throughout the next nine weeks I tried to figure out just who this guy was. However, given that we were all stressed, sleep deprived, confused, and looking the same in our newly shaved heads and Coast Guard dungarees, I never found out who this comedic genius was. But (pun intended) this little moment has lasted a lifetime, and I still laugh about it to this day.
Semper Paratus
